12 October 2006

A minor personal revalation

Aside from the fact I'm a lazy git and can't motivate myself worth a damn.

It just struck me that, for the time being at least, the things that I thought I looked for in gaming are not the things that bring me most pleasure when gaming. Chiefly I'm talking RPGs here, but if I'm honest I can probably extrapolate it to videogaming or boardgaming too.

In essense, at this stage of my life, the chief benefit I get from any of these activities is derived purely from them being conducted social occasions, rather than any pleasure garnered from the nature of the game(s) themselves or how/why they are played.

Do I think my needs and wants have changed? Long term, probably not. I am however beginning to realise just how socially and mentally isolated the last 4 years have left me, withdrawing evermore into myself - especially in the last year where I've been retracting even from a lot of e-contacts I had (case in point, lessening involvement over at RPG.net forums - whether the gaming forums or the off-topic/geek media communities there), and am on the verge of losing touch with a lot of people that I really would rather not lose touch with. I must give myself a big kick up the arse and sort this out. (I tell myself similar things on different topics every day and nothing gets done but this is getting chronic now and really needs stamping out.)

But yeah... this all means that the nights when I go out gaming are first and foremost social occasions now; touching base with the outside world. As such I've lost the drive or motivation to craft game situations to my benefit, to impose any creativity on it, all in favour of just getting out, meeting up and putting the most simple of enjoyments first. I hope this'll change again soon, 'cause I'd really like to rediscover the creative spark that has waxed and waned for as long as I've been aware - thus letting me enjoy both the social occasion and actively use it to further higher creative desires which currently cannot be stirred.

Or otherwise summed up: crap, my mind is dormant

2 comments:

Garry G said...

I know what you mean about the social side of gaming being the most important. I've recently started mid-week gaming again and it really fills out my weeknights. It is also helping my creative side awaken though not as much as it should since I'm taking it easy.

Of course I go to the gym as well. ;)

Graham said...

Gym? Is that some kind of dodgy spread - like jam only gone off slighty?