15 February 2008


Gods I hate that I never feel awake enough to write here of late. There's been good stuff, bad stuff, worse stuff and more - music, TV and film (albeit on DVD and long after it was new) as well as the good, bad and ugly of recent gaming - that could all have spawned dross to fill this page.

And a whole lot of boring life in between. I am the man to whom nothing happens, and who has not the energy, inclination or disposition to go out and make the interesting occur. I've not had a good few weeks one way or another. I'm going to bed earlier and earlier as a general rule but still sleeping less and less from one week to the next (or so it feels, whether this is true or not).

I'm spending money I don't have again; rediscovering LastFM was not good for my bank balance but has been good for my music library and wellbeing. I haven't been doing much with myself; backsliding into old, unappreciated habits, losing evenings to idling and not entertainment. Yet I have also been reading more than I had been - albeit that my current intake is really low quality throwaway writing; the promise of better crafted words in the near future is there too. I've not heard from people; I've not contacted many.

Mostly I just want to sleep, and bemoan the perceived lack of options beyond these four walls. Well, I don't want to do the latter, but end up doing it anyway. More sleep would be very good though: perhaps if I got enough then things might look brighter. I'm rambling for something to do... I can't bring myself to care to much about anything lest I just get fed up with how things are portrayed in media, how stupid talking heads can be or other such. My patience is thinner than ever, and my self loathing (what a great word loathing is, by the way) is not quite at an all-time high, but not far off.

It's time for bed.

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