13 November 2006

Switch On; Switch Off

A thought just struck me. I'm in another haze of "can't be arsedness" and apathy and desperate for something to engage my mind, something I want to do.

And the following idea slapped me in the face with a wet fish: I play solo videogames or watch TV/film to switch off whilst I play social games (RPGs, boardgames, cards, multiplayer videogames) to switch on. I've been switched off too much and in the last couple of weeks I've done next to nothing I was positive I wanted to do outside of (finally) making some real progress towards finishing up the thesis. I'm fed up with that; I'd far prefer to spend my free time doing things I actually felt positive about. There are plenty of times in my life when I actively want to switch off - and its at those times that I feel I want to play videogames, or vegetate in front of the TV or a DVD etc... but currently I want something to engage me, something to activate my mind and snare interest rather than something to surrogate pacifier.

I've said this many times before though and not seen or done a lot to change it. Of course, some things are easier said than done and when my major hobby is one that requires other people, organised sessions and time budgeting rather than off the cuff involvement it is a bit tricky. I lament that gaming is not a hobby for the here and now when the urge strikes but one for "next Tuesday, when we're all free..." but perhaps I just need to meet more fellow gamers or get more or better friends whom I can suck into my deviant hobbies!

Whatever else I need, I certainly need to get myself less isolated. I hate it, and living back at home - while nice from the point of view of having things done for me more often than not, whilst still giving me some space - just does not afford me a social environment in the house. I don't have much of one outside it either, given I've been "working" from home for 15 months now, and the outlets I do have are not actually in Oxford itself and are thusly limited (no cash + reliance on public transport = confinement of options). I need this to change. I was convinced it would when I finished and got a job - thus being out and amongst people rather than shut away from them - and I still believe it will, but not that that is enough. I'm suffocating living here and need out. Yet I have no capital and no job to make the move with and nowhere to go to either.

The bottom line is this: although I tend to be fairly fucking fantastic at identifying what the problems I need to rectify are I am utterly fucking craptastic at actually finding ways to make the needed changes.

3 comments:

Thomas said...

Hey mate, come over here. Plenty of jobs (for the one willing and "R Smrt")...and got a good gaming group. ;)

Seriously. Sometimes it's worth it taking a chance, you just want to know before if it actually is.

But I see your points, sometimes you have to switch off to switch on. I think I don't have enough 'switch off'-time...which is not good either.

Garry G said...

Don't listen to him when you can come here, work at Dundee Uni and hang out with me and Rosa!

I do know what you mean about roleplaying though. OTOH I love the having to do it of roleplaying. Even if I'm not in the mood I've got to run the game because I'm the GM so it really motivates me so I have to switch on. It's hard but I love it.

Graham said...

Ooh! I'm being fought over. < smirk >

Yup the "have to honour commitments" aspect is no bad thing... and having external pressures force creativity can lead to some wonderful moments that would just not come about by chance. But the ideas lost to the ether or dead time when all I can come up with are ideas I cannot put into action there and then? Frustration central!